Welcome to “the Mall”
by Nathaniel Aylor
The American shopping mall has since it’s inception served as a kind of barometer for what cultural trends are being pushed on to consumers (that’s you and I in case you were curious).
I was at the mall recently and came to realize that this singular mall could really be any mall in America. From the congested parking lot where three point turns and the potential for catastrophic pedestrian injury are at an all time high, to the carnival sized carousel smack dab in the middle of the food court, so many of the characteristics seem the same through this mecca for wasted savings and buyer’s remorse.
But as I strolled down the main thoroughfare glancing briefly at the kiosks, who seemed to be selling a slightly altered version of what every other one was selling, I searched for signs of individualism.
Speaking of Kiosks, I feel that while social interaction is fine by me, I find it more than annoying when a woman with a thick sultry accent applies an expensive lotion to the back of my hands, assuring me that my nonexistent girlfriend will “love it” with a sales pitch that leaves me wreaking of vanilla and lilac. It’s for this reason I make it a rule to avoid eye contact with kiosk folk as if they are akin to carny folk- only with more teeth. This is executed by simply looking intently at the shop directly to the right of you as if The Gaps new window displays were just that impressive. This typically only backfires when one happens to pass by a body jewelry kiosk that stands directly across from a lingerie shop. While the intrigue of shopping for that massive stainless steel nipple ring I’ve always wanted presents itself, I maintain my rule and without thinking turn an intent stare in the opposite direction. Suddenly I realize that I’ve erred when I unwittingly appear to be staring at a woman who is shopping for underwear at Victoria’s Secret as if she were a world map.
Continuing my way down the Mall one thing that struck me as unique, at least in the sense of how lazy we as a society have become, was the presence of a dental office at the west end of the mall. I tried to imagine why a woman could desire a post holidays root canal right before what can be an equally excruciating post holiday jeans fitting at the nearby Macy’s. When attempting to understand the benefit of such a location, the only thing that came to mind was maybe they offer “Free Orange Julius with purchase of every silver filling”.
I expect to see a plastic surgery kiosk in the next five years right across from the Build-A-Bear.
Well with a new pair of shoes and a cup of coffee that cost nearly as much, I decided to bring to a close yet another trip to the virtual Fortress of Commerce that we call “the Mall” – the only place where in one fell swoop, the styles of the Stars, the useless inventions as seen on TV and a soft warm pretzel can all be yours.
